Avoiding A Difficult, But Necessary, Conversation

Have you ever wanted to have a conversation with someone, in fact, it really needed to happen, but you kept avoiding it because you were afraid of how the other person was going to react? That’s the situation we dealt with in the Monday Kickstarter, May 24, 2021.

The situation: a member of a team, department, or organization who is experiencing exclusion by the more dominant members of the group, including the manager. She knows she needs to talk with the manager, but just doesn’t know how. She’s “below the line” emotionally and fearful of triggering a “below the line” response in him.

We decided the first conversation worth having was one with herself. See below for the questions suggested she could ask herself (upper right quadrant). Even as we asked these questions, those on the call could tell that answering these questions would begin to level her mindset, expand the possibilities and bring clarity and calm. At that point it was much easier to create a positive frame and generative questions that came from genuine curiosity, instead of below the line (lower left quadrant).

Insight.

Tuning in is a chance to have a conversation worth having with yourself. “Where Am I? What’s going on for me emotionally and mentally? What am I really afraid of? What do I want to have happen and why might that be important to others? What role might I be playing in this without realizing it? What do I want the other(s) to know? How will my speaking up be beneficial for everyone? What do I want from others?” Such questions widen our field of vision, shifting our emotions, helping us see beyond just ourselves. This vision makes it much easier for us to offer a positive frame for the conversation and to ask questions from a place of genuine curiosity.