Is Now a Good Time? The Power of Timing and Shared Communication in Effective Conversations
Aug 12, 2024
Timing in conversations can be everything when you need to have an important discussion with someone. But how do you know when it’s a good time?
Here’s how one organization manages this.
Nancy’s in her office. It’s 11:00 AM and it's already been an incredibly long day. Her colleague sticks his head in the door,
“Are you above or below the line?” he asks.
She replies, “I’m way below the line.”
“Okay then,” he says, “We’ll talk tomorrow! Anything I can do to help?”
Shared Idioms
“Above or below the line” is one of several communication idioms that help Nancy’s team have effective conversations. It refers to their readiness to engage in a conversation worth having, especially about important topics. In this case, a team member was able to ask about timing for his conversation in a simple way and Nancy was able to communicate that now was not a good time to talk.
What is this idiom –“above and below the line?”—and what does mean?
The Nature of Our Conversations
We are almost always in conversation, with ourselves or others; and the nature of those conversations matters! Our conversations take place along two axes (see below).
Along the vertical axis, our interactions are either appreciative—meaning they add value or value what is—or they are depreciative—meaning they devalue people, places, and situations. Along the horizontal axis, we are either making statements or asking questions. That horizontal purple line indicates the transition from depreciative to appreciative conversations. When we are stressed, feeling defensive or fearful, we tend to engage in conversations from below the line. Stress and defensiveness often result in conversations that feel tense, short, critical, or closed in nature. If you have an important topic to discuss, you want everyone in the conversation to be above the line, where they are more open, relaxed, willing to engage and listen. You want to have appreciative conversations that add value.
Depreciative and appreciative conversations each have their distinct neurophysiological correlates. Stress hormones actually inhibit our ability to access emotional intelligence, creativity, and critical thinking. Alternatively, the "happiness" hormones (oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin) free us to connect with others and use our higher order thinking skills. To further understand the neurophysiology behind depreciative and appreciative conversations, watch this short video--Locating Yourself--from The Conscious Leadership Group. They encourage leaders to begin every conversation asking themselves, “Where Am I?” By asking Nancy, "Are you above or below the line?" her colleague was essentially asking her, "Where Are You? Is now a good time?"
Develop Shared Communication Concepts
Given our purpose and mission at CWH Institute, we are thrilled when teams go through our bootcamps together. We know that when teams develop a shared capacity to engage in conversations worth having, their workplace environment improves. They are better equipped to bring energy, creativity, and high engagement to quickly and effectively address problems, conflicts, and challenges. One of the reasons is a shared set of communication concepts and a handful of idioms, which allow them to name what’s going on and what needs to happen without making it personal. They know how to help one another shift from below the line to above and they know how to widen everyone’s perspective when dealing with tough and crucial conversations.
Does your team have a set of shared communication practices?
If you’re interested in learning how a couple of simple practices can turn all your conversations into one’s worth having, please visit our website www.cwh.today. Join our upcoming Fall Conversation Bootcamp or go through our On-Demand Conversation Bootcamp as a group. Not ready for training? Read or listen to Conversations Worth Having as a group, then download our Team Discussion Guide and discuss how you'll take your conversations and team to the next level!
If you’re interested in getting a taste for the two practices—asking generative questions and using a positive frame—attend our free September Monday Kickstarters. Bring a challenging situation and learn to turn it into a conversation worth having!
