What to Do When Conversations Drag You Down

You’ve been here before. The mere thought of talking to Person X sends a ripple of negative emotions coursing through you. Why? Because you’ve had enough “conversations” with Person X to feel certain this next one will leave you drained, misunderstood, or unheard. You brace yourself, expecting the worst—because that’s how it’s always gone. Right?

But what if you didn’t have to? What if you could take a step back and transform the way you approach these conversations—breaking free from the cycle of anticipatory dread and exasperation?

That’s what we explored in today’s Monday Kickstarters session. Read on to learn how we employed the Conversations Worth Having flipping technique to shift perspective, reframe the desired outcome, and move toward turning those frustrating interactions into something surprisingly productive.

Positive Frame

Name It: I get frustrated anticipating discussions with Person X

Flip It: I don’t get frustrated anticipating discussions with Person X

Frame It: I feel confident and capable expressing my contributions clearly and completely with Person X

Generative Questions

Before the conversation, shift your mindset to connect with the other person.

• How can I approach our conversations with empathy?
• What are the strengths of Person X?
• How will I stay grounded through the conversation?
• How do I approach conversations with trusted acquaintances? How can that approach help me with Person X?
• What am I not seeing?
• What assumptions am I making?
• When I have felt confident before – what was I doing?
• What other conditions made that feeling of confidence possible?
• Who else might be able to help me?
• How do I prepare for these conversations – what stays the same and what might change?

Additional questions might include:

• What is the most important thing I want to communicate during this conversation?
• How can I frame my contributions in a way that aligns with what matters most to me and what might matter to Person X?
• What questions can I ask to help Person X better understand or engage with my perspective?

Cool Tip!

There are dimensions to our conversations, and one of the first is the appreciative/depreciative dimension. The appreciative dimension adds values and can show up in numerous ways, whereas the depreciative dimension devalues a situation, person, or opportunity. As Conversation Change Agents, our role is to have the awareness and desire to generate positive emotions that stimulate meaningful engagement, inspire innovative thinking, and positive action – being in the appreciative dimension.

Ready to learn more? Here are 3 ways to dive in:

1. Read Conversations Worth Having, Using Appreciative Inquiry to Fuel Productive and Meaningful Engagement, 2nd Edition
2. Register for a virtual bootcamp or on-demand training
3. Search our blog on a variety of topics for helpful insights and how-to guidance

Shared by: Kelly Stewart, a certified Conversations Worth Having trainer and co-founder of the CWH Institute.

Photo by Timur Weber